My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands

By Chelsea Handler

Handler chronicles what can occur to at least one very intoxicated, outgoing lady in the course of one evening of passion-- repeated again and again with plenty and many males.

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I organize for a working begin. "Ready? " I requested her. "Go! " she whispered. Seeing your mom bare isn't whatever you simply get over. Seeing your mom bare and leaping from one aspect of a king-sized mattress to the opposite with a nurse's hat on whereas your father, who's additionally bare, is chasing her with a bandanna round his neck, is cause to place your self up for adoption. thankfully, I took the 1st photo ahead of something had an opportunity to sign up. the second one photo used to be of my father heading towards me with a belt.

You are being so dramatic! " he stated and left me outdoors on my own. At round 8 P. M. , I had no different alternative yet to dilute Tylenol PMs into his margarita. An hour later he used to be in mattress. the following day was once my sister's marriage ceremony, and Greg woke me as much as inform me that Nathan had already been at the cellphone along with his bookie for over an hour. "Now he is out on one of many kayaks taking a joyride. And Dad's observing him along with his binoculars. Dad can have a meltdown at any minute," Greg stated excitedly. I rushed downstairs to the kitchen, the place my mom was once making blueberry pancakes.

Dad! " I protested innocently. "Nathan isn't on medications. cease being like this. Be great to him! " while my father does not like anyone, you do not have to have esp to determine it out. He has the subtlety of a sling blade; all it takes is one second of direct eye touch. And whereas it could actually as soon as were enjoyable to observe him get riled up, I had lengthy handed the golden years of experiencing sheer and utter elation in disappointing my father. At round twenty-four i spotted i used to be simply chasing that preliminary excessive you get the 1st time you inform your father on the age of 16 that you are pregnant and puzzling over maintaining it.

One of many men came around. "My identify is Rico," he stated. He wore white volleyball socks as much as his knees with cutoff tan Dickies and a thick black belt. A white wife-beater tank most sensible accomplished his outfit. His head was once shaved, yet he had a furry mustache. As Rico sat down subsequent to me, I leaned over and violently threw up. His 3 acquaintances sponsored away in disgust. I felt embarrassed yet i could not cease heaving. I vaguely bear in mind the 3 men asserting whatever approximately leaving, yet Rico opted to stick by way of my aspect and carry my hair.

Reliable thinking," I stated. Dr. Luke and Matthew got here upstairs simply as we have been docking. They have been everywhere one another. It was once painful to observe, like seeing your boyfriend cheat on you yet with a guy. Rory, besides the fact that, could not cease giggling, and finally i began giggling too, after which they either all started guffawing. Then they headed towards us with very lascivious appears of their eyes. Dr. Luke reached for my boob and requested if i wished to get it from men without delay. "That was once sooo 5 years ago," i assumed approximately announcing.

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